Friday, September 17, 2010
I don't write about my emotional struggles very often. When I do write about them, I don't do it very well. It's not something that I'm used to doing. It often seems pointless because the specific things that get me upset are often so odd and divorced from the everyday world that putting them in writing just makes me look like a complete moron. Lately, though, I've been going through a pretty difficult period. It's one of the reasons why I haven't been reading or posting much lately. Frequent mood swings and going back and forth in my mind about questions like whether I have good reasons to be happy and whether my emotions are justified or not is just something that gets exhausting after a while. It takes a lot of time and effort, and my productivity in all of the normal, external parts of my life suffers for it. It also leads to a lot of erratic behavior, and makes me pull even further into myself than normal.
I read the blogs of a couple of people who are very eloquent about describing their emotional struggles and the reasons behind them. I don't have any such ability. All I can say is that when I'm in a certain mood, I can find an almost limitless number of reasons to hate myself.